Habits-7 of Them

Many years ago, I think it was in the Fall of 1980, I took an Organizational Behavior class at BYU and the instructor was Stephen R. Covey. I needed to take this class for my major and had no idea what it would be about. I was familiar with Covey because I had read Spiritual Roots of Human Relations and How to Succeed with People. What I didn't know was that this would be the one class from college that I would carry with me through my life. I also didn't know that the class notes I faithfully took would eventually be included in two future books of Covey's: The Divine Center and 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. 

I was so blessed-lucky-fortunate to get to take that class that year. He didn't teach it the following semester and he then started phasing out of teaching, so I feel VERY blessed-lucky-fortunate for that semester.

I still have my class notes, yes, in sheet protectors and in a binder.

And here is the first page of notes I took in that class, and the "lesson" that made the most profound impact on my life, and the lesson I have tried to pass along as often as I have the opportunity:

This is the lesson of the 1st Habit: Be Proactive. This is when I heard it all plainly explained that in the four levels of 'being' (human-animal-plant-rock), humans have self-awareness and free agency. In the animal world there is no space between a Stimulus and a REACTION. But as humans we have a space between every Stimulus and our RESPONSE. It may only be a nano-second, but in that moment we CHOOSE what our RESPONSE will be. This is a hard thing for people to accept who don't like to take responsibility for themselves. In 1980 I found this to be one of the most exciting thoughts I'd ever had.

Covey went on to teach us that when we understand this, that we always choose our response and how we feel, then we will understand that no one can "make " us feel bad/sad/angry/happy etc. We are choosing how we want to feel.

(That makes it really hard to have an argument with your husband: "Errrrrrrrrgh! I have chosen to be so mad at you!!!)

Here are three quotes from my notes that day:

The last ultimate freedom is to choose the response. (And he referenced Frankle in Man's Search for Meaning.) 

You hurt yourself. You consent to be hurt. You are not your body. People hurt your body but don't let them hurt your soul.

The solution is to change the heart-you really can't change the environment.

These were very liberating concepts for me to think about and they are powerful concepts. This is important enough that through the years I have tried to teach it to my children. Hopefully someday they will "get it".

Until then, I'll keep trying to teach it.

Last fall I found a book by one of Covey's sons, the son who wrote the 7 Habits for Teens. This book is for kids.

I've been reading this to Jake and Abbie in our devotional. We read one chapter (habit) a week. We talk about it, what it means, how they can incorporate the habit in their lives. The habits are taught in parable, no lecture here. 

At the end of each parable is a page for the parents, so we can help make the connection.

There is a reason why the first habit is The-First-Habit. I continually work on this habit and after 29-ish years of conscious effort I think I'm getting fairly good at choosing wisely. I've also realized that this expands to the place where I want to live a life that doesn't create an environment for another person to 'choose' to feel badly. I understand that we all have a choice, but I hope I can keep trying to live my life so that I don't tempt anyone to choose poorly. 

That's a whole other level of consciousness...