Thankful-Day 19

I

am

Thankful

that Doug, Jake and Abbie

came up to visit me

at the cabin

Saturday night.

Doug and Abbie building a fire

Here's the thing: I pretty much always feel guilty about doing this.
How crazy is that?
I know that when Doug goes off on his man trips he doesn't give it a second thought.
And he shouldn't.
So why do I let myself feel guilty about doing this?
I shouldn't.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh has something to say about this:
"Solitude, says the moon shell. Every person, especially every woman, should be alone sometime during the year, some part of each week, and each day. How revolutionary that sounds and how impossible of attainment. To many women such a program seem quite out of reach. They have no extra income to spend on a vacation for themselves; no time left over from the weekly drudgery of housework for a day off; no energy after the daily cooking, cleaning and washing for even an hour of creative solitude.

"Is this then only an economic problem? I do not think so. Every paid worker, no matter where in the economic scale, expects a day off a week and a vacation a year. By and large, mothers and housewives are the only workers who do not have regular time off. They are the great vacationless class. They rarely even complain of their lack, apparently not considering occasional time to themselves as a justifiable need.

"Herein lies one key to the problem. If women were convinced that a day off or an hour of solitude was a reasonable ambition, they would fine a way of attaining it. As it is, they feel so unjustified in their demand that they rarely make the attempt...The world today does not understand, in either man or woman, the need to be alone.

"...If one sets aside time for a business appointment, a trip to the hairdresser, a social engagement, or a shopping expedition, that time is accepted as inviolable. But if one says: I cannot come because that is my hour to be alone, one is considered rude, egotistical or strange. What a commentary on our civilization, when being alone is considered suspect..."
(Gift From the Sea, chapter on the Moon Shell)

So even when I happily go off every year, to my mountain retreat,
I go with very mixed emotions
and it takes me a day to release my guilt.

On Saturday when Doug called to tell me they were on their way to the Rec Center
to go swimming
I, who had been battling my guilt,
thought about how they would only be 45 minutes away
and they ought to come up for a short visit.

That way we could ALL go to dinner at the lodge
and then people would think I wasn't ALONE
in Cabin F.
sheeeeshhh

So come they did.
And it was wonderful to have them there.
And we did go to dinner.
And brought dessert home (to the cabin).
And Jake, who ordered chocolate cake
(and asked the waitress if it was a "whole chocolate cake" ha ha! Funny guy)
sat in the cabin in
7th Heaven
and said,
"Yeah, I'm enjoying my cake-shaped chocolate."

And because it was dark when they got to the cabin,
and late when we finished eating,
and Doug was pretty tired from a bike ride that day
and the drive home would be close to two hours
and there were plenty of beds
they stayed the night

and woke up early to go home.

Abbie was enthralled by what was outside
(Jake has been there before)
and wanted to do a quick explore

so she did.

And then they left me
to my solitude.

They were with me for just over 13 hours.
Enough time for me to feel not quite so guilty
but not so long that it took away from my alone time.

And you know,
I'm thankful that I was able to share
part of my adventure with them.